So. Many. Thoughts.

I came back from our summer vacation in August and had big plans to write more often, but then life happened, things in Haiti got crazy, and well that all went out the window. In the past two months I’ve thought about writing, but to be honest, sometimes I just don’t have the words. It’s been so many things, for so many weeks. It’s hard to see a place you love hurting so badly, and it’s been exhausting for everyone in country. If you want to read more about what’s happening in Haiti, Chris and I have each written about it from different perspectives. Start here, then read what Chris wrote about the political situation.

For me, this past week has been a whirlwind of sorts. Every November I head to Canada to do my annual fundraising trip for Clean Water for Haiti/CWH Foundation. I do this trip solo while Chris and the kids stay in Haiti, and it gives me a bit of time away while I get to see my family and connect with donors. With everything going on in Haiti, and all the uncertainty that has come with it, it made it really difficult to jump in and make plans to actually do it this year. Eventually I realized I just needed to book everything and hope for the best.

As time went on we kept thinking that things would eventually shift and the roads would be open, etc. A month turned into 6 weeks, then two months, and the road between the mission and the airport still wasn’t open, or safe to travel if it was.

So what to do? Well, if Haiti has taught me anything in the past 14 years it’s to be flexible and creative. I started reaching out to other expats and made plans to share a charter flight to Port au Prince. This meant driving about an hour in the opposite direction of where I needed to end up to an airstrip where a small plane could land and drop off/pick people up.

We had things in place, until about 5:30 pm the night before we were supposed to leave. Through another friend trying to do the same thing, I found out that the pilot we had originally booked with wouldn’t be flying the next morning because of mechanical issues, but they hadn’t let us know yet. They had confirmed with my friend though, and she was able to get stuff set up with a second pilot and let him know I’d need a flight too. Some quick phone calls and we had things switched up. I should mention that another friend was staying at our house that night to fly down with me so she could leave as well, so we were both feeling a bit stressed about this all working out.

The next day, at about 5:45 am, Cassie and I hopped in the car with Richard and Thony to try and get ahead of any problems with road blocks between us and Gonaives. This was the first time I’d been out of our community in about two weeks, and the first time going north in about 4. I can’t tell you what it feels like to take to roads that are so familiar to you, but feel so much anxiety because you don’t know what to expect. We made it through without issue, but found out that right after we did the roads blocked up behind us.

Knowing that there were many “moving parts” that needed to come into play so I could catch my flight out of Haiti on Thursday was stressful, so you can imagine my relief when I saw that plane circle the runway on Wednesday morning, and then land. Cassie and I let out a big sigh of releif, and Richard and Thony took lots of pictures :)

We hopped in the plane with two other women and enjoyed our 26 minute flight down to Port au Prince. We were met on the other side by a friend of ours, who took us to the guest house we were staying at for the night.

Here’s where I love what God does in our lives. Not only did all the pieces come together to actually get down to Port au Prince, but when we got to the guest house, we found out that friends of ours were also staying there, and the ladies would be bunked in with us. After two months of hardly seeing friends, we got to spend a night with a group of people. They arrived about an hour and a half after we did, and we had a fun evening hanging out in the pool and catching up. It felt so good to be surrounded by fun, loud friends, and to laugh until my belly hurt. My voice was raspy the next morning from laughing and talking so much.

The next morning I got picked up and taken to the big airport, and waited for my flight out of Haiti. I stayed in Florida that night (Thursday) and flew out Friday for BC. I was supposed to land in Kelowna just before midnight, but my flight was delayed by almost 3 hours, so by the time we got back to Mom and Dad’s it was 4 am on Saturday morning. Between that and the time difference my body is a bit confused about what time or day it is, but I am here and am thankful for the time away.

Through CWH’s Facebook page, and privately we’ve had so many people checking in on us and asking us how we’re doing, how our staff are doing, if we’re still able to work, etc. If you’ve been one of those people, or have been trying to stay updated through our CWH posts, thank you. It means a lot to us to know that you’re thinking about us and wanting to know how we’re doing and how to pray. Here are the answers to some of the most asked questions…

How are you guys doing with all this?

Gut level honest? Good. Tired. Discouraged. Worried. Stressed. Sad. Not sure what to expect… :)

So many feelings. I think we were doing fairly well until a couple weeks ago. At that point I noticed that not only did Chris and I seem really down, I saw our staff show those signs too. I think we all thought we would have seen some kind of change, and nothing was changing. Nothing. In fact, in many ways it seems like things have gotten worse.

We’ve had to spend most of the past two months at home, with very few social interactions with people outside of our staff, just because people can’t get anywhere due to all the road blocks. A lot of our friends have also left, so even when we could get out, there wasn’t anyone to visit with. That’s A LOT of together time ;)

One of the hardest things has been from not being able to make any firm plans about anything. Work, family – all of it is very fluid right now, so we just keep plugging along day to day, but that has added stress to the situation.

Lots of expats are leaving right now, are you guys planning on doing that, or staying?

I’ve been asked this a lot, because it would be understandable if we did decide to leave Haiti for a bit. But, at this point that is not our plan, and here’s why…

First off, we need to ask if we’re unsafe or lacking resources in our area, and the answer to that is “no”. CWH has a full solar system, so we have 24/7 power, and we have a well on site with a pump, so unlimited water. We have filters, so we can treat that to make it safe to drink. We’ve been able to get the needed supplies to keep building filters, and our staff has still been making it in to work. In the past two months there has only been one day a couple weeks ago where not everyone made it in. Please know this has meant that there have been days where some of our staff have walked 10 miles to get to and from work. The guys have been working in our local area, taking to the backroads to target families that are in the mountains around the highway in our area. Because of that they’ve still been doing deliveries each week. In fact, before I left, I got all of our October numbers updated, and for the past three weeks they’ve done deliveries 4 out of 5 days each week.

Chris and I talked about what would be our “go” point and basically said that if we and our staff couldn’t be working because we couldn’t get the things needed to do our work, and our staff wouldn’t be able to get to CWH consistently, and our personal safety was at risk in Camp Marie, then we need to leave. While this situation is very stressful and discouraging, those things are not happening, and families need filters now more than ever, so we’re going to keep doing our job. We have a safe home and have been able to get all the things we need while still just practicing the flexibility that’s always required when living in a place like Haiti.

Not everyone is in our position. In fact, most aren’t, and that’s meant many missionaries and expats have chosen to leave for a while. Many of those people are friends or acquaintances, and I can tell you it’s a gut wrenching decision to have to make.

This whole situation sounds really discouraging…

Yes, it is.

We’ve experienced a major cutback in our work at Clean Water for Haiti, which has been very discouraging for all of us. We can’t go south to do deliveries because the roads are blocked, and we can’t go north because of road blocks and gang activity in many of the areas we go. We couldn’t get gas for the motorcycles for along time, so follow up wasn’t happening. Now that we do have some fuel, the guys are worried about going out because of the stuff that’s been happening on the roads. They’ve never been afraid to do their jobs before.

It’s discouraging to see Haiti back in this cycle of political unrest. It’s so deeply written into Haiti’s history. After a good 12 years or so of relative calm where we also saw some decent development, it’s very discouraging to see things go backwards so fast. We’re seeing so many businesses close, which means a hit for the economy in many ways. It’s discouraging to go from relative peace where moving through the country has gotten so much easier, to being locked in and worried about taking to the roads, even within your local area.

We just want to see Haiti move forward, but so many things need to change to see that happen.

How can we pray for you and this situation?

Great question!

• Pray for wisdom as we lead our staff, and care for our family.
• Pray for peace in Haiti, in some way. None of us know what the solution is to this, or where it will come from and what it will look like. It’s hard to sit in that place of limbo waiting to see what will happen while there’s so much unrest.
• Pray for safety as our staff are out doing deliveries and the work that they ARE able to do in our local area.
• Pray for our kids. We try to buffer them from the stress of all this as much as we can, but we also believe in being honest with them, so they’re very aware of what is happening and the struggles that exist. They’ve been struggling in the past couple of weeks with just wanting a break from all of it and looking forward to our Christmas vacation with family.
• Pray for wisdom as we make decisions about upcoming travel, and the added expenses for our family that might be part of doing the safest thing in the moment. If we need to fly from Gonaives to Port au Prince it’s at least $450 one way. It would be easy to second guess ourselves if we choose to fly and the road just happens to be open that day, so I’m praying for peace about all that and being confident in whatever decisions we make.
• Pray for health and rest in the midst of all this, and that we’ll care for ourselves, our family, and our staff well in the ways that we can.

What are we most thankful for right now?

This ISN’T a question I’ve been asked, but I think it’s important to keep focusing on the good for several reasons, so here are things that I/we are thankful for.

Our staff. We are SO blessed to have a fabulous team to work with. Seeing them dig deeper in a time that has been so incredibly hard is so encouraging and inspiring. I wish you could see it every day like we get to. When the highways became too difficult to travel, they took to the mountain roads. When they couldn’t do one part of their job, they looked at what they could do and poured themselves into that. In a time where some Haitians are making life incredibly difficult, we see our staff trying to find ways to make life better for others. And, through all of this, they’ve kept such a good attitude and a spirit of joy.

Our community. Camp Marie has always had a reputation for being a quiet, safe community. Aside from a small group of people that have put a road block up at the entrance of the community, we’ve been completely untouched by everything, and have felt completely safe.

Online community. Not being able to leave the house much, and not being able to see friends often has been challenging, but I’m so thankful for the online community of family, friends, supporters, and other expats in Haiti. We’ve had people checking in through Facebook and other social media, and sending us emails, and that has been so encouraging. We appreciate that you want to know how we are, but that you’re also trying to understand what’s happening in Haiti so you can be more educated and in tune with the needs there. I help admin a Facebook group for expats living and working in Haiti, and I’ve been so encouraged by the communication and support I’ve seen there too. In a time where the internet can be used in so many unhealthy ways, I’ve been so encouraged by the community I see there this past couple of months.

Even hard times can’t stop good work. While we’ve been frustrated by not being able to work at full capacity, seeing the guys do what they can under the circumstances has been amazing. Would you believe that in October they installed almost 300 filters? A year ago our average was about 250/month, and here we are in a situation that’s incredibly difficult, and they’re still pushing forward. People love the filters and respect the work we’re doing, and there have literally been times where our trucks have pulled up to a road block and the guys manning it recognize it and our staff, and open up to let them pass because they know they’re doing good things for the country.

Homeschooling. That might seem like a funny one to add to the list, but it’s been HUGE for us in the past couple of months. When we pulled our kids out of school earlier this year and started the homeschool journey, we did it because we felt that was the best thing for them. We had NO idea this year was going to end up this way. If our kids had still been attending their old school, they would be in the same boat as every other Haitian child, and would have already missed about 2 months of school. Because we’re homeschooling, we’ve been able to do school every day, and it’s brought routine and consistency to our family when everything else has felt anything but, so it’s been such a huge blessing that way. On top of that we see the kids thriving and doing so well. All of the things that were issues and the lead up to taking them out of their old school are no longer issues and we see how happy they are. In fact, a certain young lady may have admitted that she once again LOVES school and learning, which makes this mama’s heart very happy.

Again, thank you for praying for us and for Haiti. We don’t know what the answers are right now, and when things will change, so we keep praying for wisdom and peace. Thank you for joining us in that.

~Leslie